


Forever and Gone

by seathehorizon



Series: Yoonkook Bingo 2019 [4]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on an actual Japanese story, Ending is quite soft, It gets sweeter when Yoonkook meet, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mostly set in Japan, Namseok are a background couple, Please be careful with the part about their past lives, Reincarnation, Seokjin is mentioned as Jeongguk's favourite cousin, Square: soulmates/reincarnation, Suicide, The suicide is from Yoonkook's previous lives, Vmin are mentioned as Jeongguk's friends, Yoonkook Bingo 2019, lonely jungkook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seathehorizon/pseuds/seathehorizon
Summary: The first time Jeongguk visited Enoshima and saw the plateau with the plaque depicting the tragic love story of Jikyu and Shiragiku, he cried. Despite covering his face and holding his head down, people had hurried along and given him wary looks for his full-out sobbing, and he was sure he'd heard someone whisper there was no need to react that violently.Of course they'd think so.Jeongguk has been dreaming about the same place and the same people ever since he was a little boy, and once he found that place, he visited regularly. During one of those visits, he encounters Yoongi and Hoseok and he finds out he might not be quite as alone as he had always believed.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi | Suga, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM
Series: Yoonkook Bingo 2019 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618615
Kudos: 53





	Forever and Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an idiot who didn't realise the [Yoonkook Bingo](https://twitter.com/yoonkookbingo) extension ended on the 20th, NOT the 31st. This is the last one, for the square: soulmates/reincarnation.
> 
> The beginning is quite dark as it deals with an actual suicide, so please, please bear that in mind while reading! Or, if you'd prefer: skip that part and search for the first mention of 'Jeongguk'.
> 
> This fic is based on an actual love story and most of it, as well as everything about Enoshima, does not come from my imagination.

"I wish it didn't have to be this way," Shiragiku whispered, blinking back tears as he clung to Jikyu one last time, his eyes fixed on the beautiful ocean, the shy mountain - visible, as though it knew this was their last chance to see it-, his head on his lover's chest. He hadn't spent much time considering their ending, but when they first met two years ago, this was not what he had imagined for them. "I wish they would leave us be, we are causing them no harm."

Jikyu held him closer and pressed his lips to Shiragiku's hair. It was a remarkably calm day, the birds and insects the only sounds they could hear, apart from the water hitting the jagged rocks below them. No other people were near, but then, it was always rather quiet on the island, especially at this time. It was why they used to come here often to meet and hold each other, enjoy one another's company.

"I know," Jikyu murmured. "One day, perhaps, we'll meet again when acceptance is normal."

Shiragiku breathed out shakily and nodded, clinging to that hope. Hope was such a fragile thing. It was what he had felt when he had first encountered Jikyu on the steps leaving the island, then, when he had kept on returning, again and again, hope that they could grow old together, yet this was where it would end. Their souls would meet again, he knew, but when and where would remain a mystery. Perhaps acceptance would never exist and they'd once again find themselves in the same predicament. Though he supposed it would be worth it if they got to be together.

Jikyu had suggested they run away, but where to? It would be difficult to find a place that would accept their love and they would inevitably end up facing similar hatred. Besides, Jikyu was connected to his temples and the idea of joining another felt wrong. And Shiragiku might have been a mere _chigo_ , a servant, but this was all he knew. And if word spread to other temples, they would likely not be welcome there either.

This had been his idea. Jikyu had asked him if he was sure, but Shiragiku had explained that he couldn't live in this world without him, that he refused to even try. They had found each other and he wouldn't leave without him. In response, Jikyu had kissed him long and hard, and after an intimate night, during which they had both shed many tears for what would be and what could have been, they had discussed their plan.

Now, they would execute it.

At least they got to do it together, on their island, in the same spot that had given them so many beautiful memories. Memories that should be enough to draw them back together in the future. Perhaps they wouldn't be human then, as not everyone was reborn as a human, or if they were, they might not be men. The odds of them returning to Japan were especially slim, but perhaps that was for the best. After all, as much as he loved his country, Shiragiku also hated it.

As the sun set behind the mountains, casting an almost heavenly pink light across them, Shiragiku pulled back from their embrace and wiped away his tears. He cupped Jikyu's cheeks and stared at him intently, wishing to memorise everything about his handsome features, wishing that to be the last thing he'd ever see. Jikyu regarded him solemnly, his own hands reaching up to hold Shiragiku's face, thumbs stroking along his cheekbones.

"I love you," Jikyu said softly. " And I will find you and love you again, however long it takes. No matter how many lives, we will realise who we are eventually and we will continue our story."

Shiragiku nodded swiftly. He believed this to be true, he _had_ to, or this would have all been in vain. "Yes, yes, we will. I love you too, more than anything else in this world. We can overcome death, just as we have chosen to overcome life."

He took a deep breath and leaned in, letting his breath wash over Jikyu's face. He gazed into his eyes lovingly, sadly, and kissed him one more time, almost desperately. After all, this would be their last kiss in these bodies, and he wished to savour it. He wanted the memory of their kiss and of their love to reverberate across time, to be strong enough that once they met again, they would know, and once they kissed again, they would remember.

"Until we meet again," he whispered, before untangling himself entirely. He held onto Jikyu's hand until the very last moment, when he let go as he stepped onto nothing. Jikyu's expression of shock, grief and immense love accompanied him. He shut his eyes and finally felt free.

***

The first time Jeongguk visited Enoshima and saw the plateau with the plaque depicting the tragic love story of Jikyu and Shiragiku, he cried. Despite covering his face and holding his head down, people had hurried along and given him wary looks for his full-out sobbing, and he was sure he'd heard someone whisper there was no need to react that violently.

Of course they'd think so. To them, it was just another story, some undoubtedly even wondering if it was even real, but Jeongguk had dreamt about this place so often. The first time he'd still been a little boy and he'd woken up his parents with his cries. They'd been understandably confused, but had dismissed it as a mere nightmare. Not until the dreams kept repeating to the point where he didn't even dare go to sleep anymore - he might not have fully understood what was happening, but he could feel the waves of emotion and they were far too much for his little heart to deal with -, which was when he was sent to a therapist (the first of several).

Over the years, he had gotten better at dealing with the dreams, although he had made the mistake once in primary school of excitedly telling his parents about how he'd finally found out what the mountain was he kept seeing at night.

"It's Mount Fuji, mum!" he'd shouted, showing her a picture in one of his books. "Mount Fuji is in my dreams!"

She had told his father, and later on they'd sat down with him as they'd sent his brother to play in his room. They had asked him many questions and carefully explained their concerns, and he had been clever enough to know that they would never understand. He had agreed that he must have seen a picture somewhere before, though he knew this to be a lie, and had blamed it all on an overactive imagination. That had been what his therapists had said anyway: too much energy, too much imagination, he needed room to practice his hobbies or the nightmares would continue to manifest. Granted, he _did_ have many interests, but he knew deep down that this wasn't the cause of his problem.

He learned to keep his dreams to himself and when they grew more explicit as he grew older, he was grateful his parents had pulled him from therapy several years earlier. He had seen the hand holding and hugging from the start, some kisses here and there, though it was fairly innocent back then, and his therapists had asked if he had seen any of this in real life ("Children are curious, and if something causes confusion, they might fixate on one specific image they've seen," one of them had said, before offering the invasive and offensive suggestion that they check for any same-sex parents in his school). Only one had asked Jeongguk if he thought he might like boys, but Jeongguk had shrugged and responded he liked fire trucks instead.

(By now he knew that the answer was yes, yes, he did, and he was glad he was open-minded over sexuality anyway or his dreams might have caused quite a crisis.)

Outwardly, he maintained an acceptable appearance. He was athletic and artistic, and although a little shy, he had quite a few friends (or acquaintances, rather). His grades weren't always perfect, but with tutors he managed to do well and his parents were proud of him, his brother liked him, and most teachers adored him.

On the inside, however, he never gave up on trying to figure out the truth. To him, there was no chance everything should simply be dismissed as nonsense from a young brain, and so he kept on searching. He was lucky that he had a fairly good lead in the form of the location: there was one very clear answer to "islands with a view of Mount Fuji" - Enoshima. A tiny (no, honestly, it was super small) island in Kanagawa, no more than two hours out of Tokyo. Which, of course, had meant he needed to go to Japan.

And so he had spent his spare time researching Japan and the Japanese language, hoping to at least know the basics once he went (he understood the words in his dreams, but he assumed it was more of a feeling rather than actually knowing what the men were saying), and as soon as he had been old enough to get a job, he had gone ahead and applied at a nearby CU to start saving up money, determined to make his way over there sooner rather than later. (Of course he kept all this from everyone else, including his parents, and when asked, he told them his fascination stemmed from the fact that he wanted to learn from the art styles over there - not entirely untrue, as he had always wanted to become a cartoon artist and he loved anime and manga.)

Ever since his initial visit, he had returned at least once annually. Although there had been a sense of calm when he saw the exact spot for the first time, both his own (relief to find that he had been correct about his dreams) and Shiragiku's (that part of his soul feeling happy at the realisation that he was now so close once more, and that their story hadn't been forgotten), a certain restlessness had remained ever since. He supposed this could only be resolved if he could find the reincarnation of Jikyu, which was part of the reason he kept coming back. Another reason was that it was also simply a beautiful, peaceful place, somehow largely overlooked by non-Japanese tourists.

And so here he was again. He had arrived in Tokyo only last night and after grabbing some food from the FamilyMart around the corner from his hotel, he had gone straight to bed, intending to set off for Enoshima early the next day (though not _too_ early; he had made that mistake the first time he went, getting there before anything was even open, and it had been odd to walk around in that kind of atmosphere).

It was only September and, to be honest, he preferred it this way: autumn was his favourite season to be here. Summer attracted surfers and beach stalls, winter illuminations drew in Christmas-loving visitors, and since spring was somewhat of a romantic season (and contained Golden Week) and the island itself focused on romance quite a bit, that season, too, could get large crowds. Autumn was just on the right side of busy, in his view, though he hadn’t gone during the weekends - or during Silver Week.

As he walked past the Samuel Cocking Garden (containing both a garden and an observation tower, which offered a beautiful view of Mount Fuji in the right weather), the quiet was disrupted by a shriek. He swiftly turned his head towards the noise, his heart rate picking up, and felt a sudden swoop in his gut when he spotted two men nearby. He watched how the shorter one was nearly doubled over laughing while the other was staring ahead with a look of absolute terror on his face.

“They’re too big!” he shouted in Korean, backing away.

Jeongguk tilted his head and edged closer, intrigued to have found more Koreans around here. He might have passed by others before, he didn’t exactly ask, but in this case he knew for sure these people were from the same country as him and he- well, he was curious. Sue him. Besides, there was something inside of him that wished to interact, that restlessness increasing and reaching out to them, as it were.

The cause of all this chaos was a swarm of insects, and Jeongguk could understand the yelling much better now: the bugs on Enoshima were very large and in this lingering summer weather, they were nearly impossible to avoid. However, he also knew they were unlikely to harm anyone as long as you let them be.

“Just walk through them!” Jeongguk called out once he was nearer, startling the two men. Heat crept up his face when they turned towards him and he smiled his best smile at them, hoping he came off more confident than he felt. “They won’t attack,” he continued, more quietly now, though ensuring they could still hear him, “not if you walk normally and don’t hurt them. Promise.”

After a little more hesitation, the one who had screamed practically speed walked through the swarm, his eyes squeezed shut like he was expecting them to swoop down upon him. His friend followed after, shuffling forward hastily, his shoulders slumping once the bugs were behind him. So much for his bravado earlier. Jeongguk found himself oddly endeared.

“Thank you so much,” the taller of the two said, sighing in relief. “Shit, I hate bugs.” He shuddered and pulled a face, glancing over his shoulder as though to ensure they weren’t planning an attack. The insects, however, remained stationary and unbothered.

“We could tell,” the other man said dryly.

“You were scared too!” the first protested, pointing at his friend accusingly. He then turned to Jeongguk with a friendly smile on his face, nearly giving him whiplash from how fast he seemed to change expressions. “Hey, are you Korean too or do you just speak the language?”

“Oh, no, I- I’m Korean,” Jeongguk answered, tripping over his words, nervous under the attention of the two admittedly attractive men, especially with the odd feeling that still lingered in his stomach and that was now spreading to the cavity of his chest. God, what was _wrong_ with him? Perhaps it was the fact that people rarely tried to start a conversation with him here and it was changing the status quo of Enoshima as he knew it. He was unsure how to feel about this fact, but the men seemed kind and he didn’t want to be rude and scare them off. “I’m from Busan.”

“Ah, that means we’re from all over!” He gestured at his friend, the shorter one of the two. “Yoongi hyung is a Daegu boy and I’m from Gwangju.”

“We met at university in Seoul,” Yoongi explained, scratching his ear as he focused his gaze somewhere past Jeongguk’s arm. “This is Hoseok, by the way - he gave you my name, so it’s only fair you know his too.”

Yoongi and Hoseok. Hoseok seemed like the one who was more extroverted, though you could never be sure: Jeongguk had a cousin, Seokjin, who deemed himself a hardcore introvert, yet he was the one who frequently sacrificed his sense of shame in social situations to make them less awkward, causing people to think he was extremely outgoing. (Although Jeongguk hadn’t seen Seokjin an awful lot in his life, he liked him, as he never made him feel bad about being himself and it was easy to feel comfortable in his presence.)

Yoongi gave off a similar vibe. So far he had barely said anything and he hadn’t even looked Jeongguk straight in the eyes yet - something Hoseok seemed to have no problems with - but there was something about him that felt… safe? It wasn’t a feeling Jeongguk often had around other people, too worried about their judgement once they got to know him better, but it didn’t seem as though Yoongi was like that somehow.

“I’m Jeongguk,” he said with a bow, thinking that it was only polite if he introduced himself too. “It’s nice to meet you.” He flushed when Hoseok cooed at him and told him it was lovely to meet him too.

“Are you here alone?” Yoongi asked him, meeting his eyes at last. Jeongguk blinked, getting slightly dizzy, something roaring inside of him, something loud and eager, though Jeongguk decided it was best to ignore whatever _that_ was. Yoongi was pretty, yes, with gorgeous eyes and a unique, soothing aura, but that was no reason for Jeongguk to react this way - he had met beautiful people before and had always remained composed.

Jeongguk nodded and hummed. “I come here a lot, it’s my favourite place in the world,” he admitted. “My friends… they aren’t interested.” Not in the way he was, at least, and he didn’t feel close enough to any of them to share this place with them anyway. It didn’t seem right to sacrifice even one trip here, selfish as that might sound (though he supposed it would be far more selfish if he _did_ bring someone along and then either grumbled about a change of plan or forced them to do what he wished).

“Wait, are you in _Japan_ alone?” Hoseok asked, surprised. He looked impressed when Jeongguk told him he was. “Wow, I don’t know if I could do that. Mind you,” he slung his arm around Yoongi’s shoulder to drag him closer, “I always have someone to travel with and that makes it much easier. I can’t really imagine going anywhere without him.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, his cheeks tinted pink and a shy yet fond smile on his lips as he lowered his head. _Oh._ Well. That was- They were cute. Together. And apart, but, you know. Together as well.

“Ah, yeah, I’m single,” Jeongguk told them unthinkingly, the atmosphere growing tense until Hoseok sputtered and laughed, and Yoongi’s eyes widened comically.

“Oh, no, no, no, we’re not-” Hoseok snorted and leaned his head against Yoongi’s as he tried to quiet down. “We’re not dating,” he choked out, Yoongi shaking his head in agreement. “We’re best friends, soul partners, even, but not boyfriends.”

God, why was he _like_ this? Jeongguk wanted to sink through the floor, absolutely mortified. Why had he assumed? He should know better. He _did_ know better. As much as it would suck (they seemed nice), he would completely understand if they stopped speaking to him now. He’d probably do the same in their place. (He wouldn’t, he was used to accepting people’s opinions of him, however right or wrong they were.) “Sorry, you just- it was how you said it, I don’t know, sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yoongi said reassuringly, flashing him a smile to prove he wasn’t upset, Hoseok grinning beside him in amusement. “You’re not the first person to think so and it doesn’t bother us when people do. We’re not offended.”

“Besides, we could do worse,” Hoseok added, squeezing Yoongi around the waist and making that soft smile appear on Yoongi’s face once more. “But I have my own boyfriend, who’s flying in tomorrow. The three of us usually travel together.”

A pang of sadness and envy ran through Jeongguk’s body at those words. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to date, not unless he found Jikyu’s soul, because Shiragiku was rather prominent in his life and seemed unable to accept anyone else. Even when Jeongguk had crushes, they never led anywhere because how could he possibly explain why he couldn’t fully give himself to a relationship? And the idea of travelling in a group… He had often heard of how holidays could make or break a friendship, but all his friendships remained superficial, so that theory was moot to him. And here were two people who were the complete opposite of that.

What must it be like to not live with someone else’s past constantly hanging over you?

“You could join us today if you want,” Yoongi suggested, pulling Jeongguk from the dark path his thoughts were taking and surprising him enough that all he could do was stare at Yoongi wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Hoseok’s eyebrows were raised, but when he caught Jeongguk’s eye, he recovered quickly and grinned.

“It could be fun, especially since I’m guessing you know your way around,” Hoseok said, shrugging to show any answer would be fine with him.

“Not that you need to,” Yoongi hurried to add, scratching at his ear, something Jeongguk recognised as a nervous gesture (he picked up on those easily due to being an observer and knowing very well what anxiety looked like). “You probably have your own plans and we wouldn’t want to interfere.”

And that right there described Jeongguk’s dilemma. Yes, he had been here many times, always alone, but that was precisely the reason it was difficult for him to change his routine. He was used to moving at a certain pace, visiting locations in a specific order, and he always arranged for plenty of time at the cliff’s edge with the monument for Shiragiku and Jikyu, even though there was technically no need to linger. On the other hand, perhaps the fact that he was so set in his ways meant he should accept Yoongi’s offer. After all, it could get lonely, and although he still felt restless, he also felt… content. Content in his restlessness.

Taking a deep breath, he loosened his shoulders and offered the two of them a smile. “I think I’d like that,” he said softly, his smile widening when Hoseok slung an arm around him to move him along, Yoongi falling into step beside them.

***

“It’s been decided: I’m returning here with Joon,” Hoseok said as they walked away from the Love Bell, his lips turned down as he watched several couples pass them by on their way towards it. The Love Bell was a popular place for couples, a place where they could ring the bell together and leave their names on a lock, and as an extra expression of their love for each other, there was the option of having their names printed onto a plate to be attached to the bell’s structure.

The entire bell related to the island’s story: a dragon with five heads, Ryukomyojin, was said to have terrorised the people around Kamakura - the area on the mainland from where you could access Enoshima - until a heavenly maiden, Benzaiten, had appeared, along with the island itself. The dragon fell in love with her, but after she rejected him, he bettered himself and they eventually got married. Enoshima Shrine (which consisted of multiple shrines scattered around the island) worshipped Benzaiten, while one of the Iwaya Caves was dedicated to the dragon.

Although that particular legend was exactly that - a legend -, Jeongguk nonetheless appreciated that so much of Enoshima was about love and romance, however happy or tragic the stories might be. (And as much as he refused to imagine a ‘heavenly maiden’ with a dragon.)

“At least you have someone to return with,” Yoongi mumbled low enough that Hoseok couldn’t hear him, rolling his eyes fondly at Jeongguk as he nodded over at Hoseok. Jeongguk hid his grin with his hand and ignored the suspicious look Hoseok threw their way.

So far he had been enjoying himself, acting as a bit of a tour guide and seeing everything through new eyes. He had to admit there was a certain appeal to it, to being able to tell them everything he had learned, to sharing his experiences with them. There was still something that was drawing him to Yoongi, something that seemed to need him near, and his skin tingled more and more the longer he spent in his presence. It wasn’t an unwelcome sensation, but he refused to explore what it meant. Perhaps it was being around people who listened to him, and with the two of them being the only single ones, well, it could be that his loneliness was searching for a companion.

“Why are there so many stairs in this place?” Yoongi whined when Jeongguk led them to the top of a long set of them (it wasn’t cute, nope, he didn’t look like a grumpy little kitten and Jeongguk didn’t feel the baffling and irresistible urge to hug him).

Jeongguk blinked at him innocently. “Because the island is basically a mountain.” Stairs and steep (as well as less steep) roads were everywhere, and there were even escalators in some parts (Jeongguk himself hadn’t used those, but from what he had understood, Yoongi and Hoseok had). “We’re near the cliffs and the caves now, we can rest there.”

“Sounds good,” Hoseok said brightly as he led the way down the stairs, though Jeongguk couldn’t tell if he was this eager because he had plenty of energy left, or because he was looking forward to sitting down.

Jeongguk decided they could rest for a while before entering the caves (they were worth a visit, in his opinion), and then they could rest again on the rocky beach before taking the ferry back. He knew the other two were staying in Shibuya, and this way they would be back at a reasonable time. Since they were picking up Hoseok’s boyfriend, Namjoon, from the airport tomorrow morning, Jeongguk assumed they’d want to go to bed early. Besides, a full day with Jeongguk… it might be a bit much. (Was that too self-deprecating?)

Before they got to the caves, Jeongguk slowed down and pointed at his favourite and simultaneously least favourite part of the entire island: Chigogafuchi, where Shirogiku and Jikyu were said to have spent their last moments. “This is- It’s-” He hesitated. How could he explain? Was it too morbid to mention? And even if they didn’t think so, would it be odd to treat this as an especially significant spot? To be fair, there was more to this particular spot: it also provided a beautiful view (it was one of fifty most scenic places of Kanagawa), and in 1923 this plateau had shifted up about one metre in the Great Kanto Earthquake. However, that wasn’t why it intrigued him so and he didn’t think he could pretend otherwise.

He cleared his throat and glanced over at the other two. Hoseok read the sign describing the spot’s history with interest, then carefully shifted closer to peek over the edge, clinging to the fence. Well, it didn’t look like he needed to worry about him too much. Yoongi, on the other hand, seemed frozen in place and was staring at the sign as though hypnotised. As Jeongguk watched him, Yoongi swallowed hard, his gaze suddenly pained, his fists clenched.

“Hyung?” Jeongguk asked in a whisper. “Are you alright?” He reached out and stopped himself right before he could curl his fingers around Yoongi’s wrist. After a pause, he gently tugged on Yoongi’s sleeve instead. “Hyung?”

Yoongi took a deep, shuddering breath, only worrying Jeongguk further. “This is it,” Yoongi murmured, shutting his eyes before opening them once more and stepping forward, gazing out over the water, biting down on his lip when he looked down at the rocks below.

“Hyung?”

Jeongguk went unheard, Hoseok now taking his place next to Yoongi and rubbing his arm. “Is this…?” He hummed when Yoongi nodded and wrapped his arms around him in a hug, leaving Jeongguk lost and confused. What exactly was going on here? There was a strange swirling in his stomach, a feeling like his heart was being squeezed, and his skin was now tingling obnoxiously. It was as though his body was waiting for something to happen, but his brain hadn’t caught up yet.

Hoseok met Jeongguk’s eyes over Yoongi’s shoulder and smiled at him uncomfortably. He nudged Yoongi and the two of them turned to face Jeongguk, Yoongi’s eyes slightly red though there were no tears to be seen.

“Sorry,” Yoongi mumbled, lowering his face and laughing awkwardly. “It’s weird, sorry. We can go now.”

“What happened?” Jeongguk asked, his heart pounding. He didn’t want to be pushy, but he- What if…? There was an explanation, but… was it too far-fetched? Too big of a coincidence? Because what were the odds, really? Was he making assumptions again? Or was his brain finally realising what the rest of him already did?

“It’s nothing,” Yoongi assured him, his eyes flickering over to the cliff. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Hoseok blurted out, shrugging when Yoongi glared at him and focusing on Jeongguk instead.

Oh, god. Jeongguk started trembling, though he tried very hard to hide it. His eyes were large, unable to hide his panic, glee, fear, excitement. What if he was misinterpreting this? (What if he wasn’t?) Could this be what his entire life had led up to? And if it was, what was left for him afterwards?

“Yes,” he whispered, folding his arms around his waist and pretending he didn't notice the concern in their eyes.

Hoseok waited for Yoongi to give him the okay to continue, which he did after a brief, silent conversation. "Yoongi hyung… He's had a recurring dream over the years, always about the same people and the same places, places he's never seen. We didn't think anything of it at first, figured it was the stress of uni and moving away from home, but they never stopped. Even when times were calm and he was fine during the day, the nights were awful."

"They put me on medication for a while, which made me numb during the day and did fuck all at night," Yoongi continued, seemingly forcing himself to look straight at Jeongguk, to make him believe he was speaking the truth. "It was only recently that I finally had a dream that could help me pinpoint the location." He rubbed his neck and looked over at the cliff once more before continuing very quietly, though Jeongguk could hear every word clearly enough that Yoongi might as well have shouted them:

"I believe that this is where I died."

Then he felt a sharp pain in his chest and everything went black.

***

Later Jeongguk would deny he had fainted. In his defense, the pain in heart, in his head, throughout his entire being, had been intense enough that even his usually high pain threshold had been unable to cope.

When he had come to, it had been to Yoongi’s and Hoseok’s concerned faces, a paramedic taking his vitals and some curious bystanders who pretended they weren’t staring. It had been awkward, to say the least: once he had been deemed healthy enough, he had needed to explain himself to his two new friends, if that was what they were. (Even if he hadn’t scared them, the energy running through his body wouldn’t have accepted anything else: what he now recognised as the part of his soul that belonged to Shiragiku was calling out to the part of Yoongi’s soul that was Jikyu’s.)

“It’s beautiful that they loved each other this much, but I’m sorry you’ve both had to suffer to bring them back together,” Namjoon told them seriously. Although Jeongguk hadn’t come along to pick him up, they had agreed to meet up at his hotel, where they were now (the hotel’s café was open to everyone, 24/7, guest or not, so they were seated in a corner, ignoring the chattering around them). Namjoon had heard the entire story and the three of them had been discussing reincarnation and love and soulmates for hours, as well as the existence of fate and coincidence and free will, topics Namjoon and Yoongi seemed to have extremely strong opinions about.

Jeongguk shrugged, staring into his glass. It was almost anticlimactic: his entire life had been about this moment, yet now that it was here, his problems hadn’t suddenly disappeared. Yes, that restlessness had been replaced by a glittering joy, but it wasn’t as though everything had been resolved. Sure, Shiragiku and Jikyu had found each other, but Jeongguk and Yoongi weren’t the same as them. Where did they go from here? Jeongguk barely knew who he was without Shiragiku to lead him and as much as Yoongi was kind and beautiful and wonderful, even without taking Jikyu into consideration, they were strangers still. Perhaps strangers forever.

“I think he’s at peace now,” Yoongi said pensively. He was sitting next to Jeongguk, the two of them walking this odd line between friends and more (and less). “Calm. Happy. Less oppressive.”

Jeongguk made a noise of agreement to indicate that it was the same for him. It had been quite a shock to find that Shiragiku’s sadness had affected him so much, a weight having lifted off his shoulders. Of course he wasn’t fine, not yet, and perhaps he would return to therapy, although he had no idea how much he could share about this entire situation. But he might be able to receive some help with how lost he was feeling, how insecure.

“Not to be a dick,” Hoseok began tentatively, looking between the two of them, “but what happens now?”

Jeongguk and Yoongi exchanged a glance, not having discussed this yet, even though they probably should. Whether they liked it or not, their fates were intertwined and Jeongguk supposed he was lucky that Yoongi at least wasn’t an asshole.

Yoongi smiled at him and shrugged, reaching for his drink. “The four of us enjoy our holiday,” he murmured.

***

“Yoongi, look!”

Jeongguk smiled over at his boyfriend and excitedly pointed at the view. After years of only going to one specific place, it was nice to travel around. Not that he hadn’t been to Japan since he and Yoongi met six years ago, but he had seen more of the country now, and they had visited New York, Vancouver, had travelled around Vietnam and the Philippines, and taken a tour of Brazil.

Now, they were in London, walking along the Thames, with a view of Tower Bridge. This was their Europe trip before they would go- well, wherever they wanted to (and could) go.

Things had started off shakily: although they did like each other in a completely platonic way and found one another attractive, it hadn’t been love at first sight or anything of the sort. And although a date might have been on the table in any other situation, they had both greatly struggled with the fact that their souls were connected. If they _were_ attracted to each other, how much of that was free will and how much of it was forced?

They had stayed in contact, wanting to keep up a friendship if nothing else (plus, by the end of the shared holiday, Namjoon and Hoseok had been eager to include Jeongguk in their group), and eventually Jeongguk had moved from Busan to Seoul. Not for Yoongi, but he had visited the three of them up there multiple times and although he was a country boy at heart, it seemed right to live there instead, at least for now. There were more work options, he had more friends there (in Busan he felt stuck in a box and it was difficult to break free from people’s opinions of him and connect, while in Seoul he had befriended a few others: self-proclaimed soulmates Taehyung and Jimin, who might or might not be together), and his therapist had agreed that a more permanent change of scenery might do him good.

It wasn’t until then that Yoongi and he had realised that perhaps there was more between them than merely their shared old lives, and that souls could fall in love with each other more than once. They had still taken their time, deciding to work on themselves first and growing to be more confident in who they were before choosing to be together, and this year would be their fourth anniversary (Jeongguk thought he was doing quite well with his first relationship, considering he had no clue what he was doing).

“So disrespectful,” Yoongi grumbled as he shuffled over to him and leaned against him in a silent request for a hug, which was promptly granted. The noise he made was a content one and Jeongguk couldn’t help but kiss the tip of his nose, forever endeared by his sweet, cute, kitten boyfriend.

“You told me I could just call you by your name,” Jeongguk reminded him, swaying him back and forth, grinning cheekily. To be fair, Yoongi was soft enough that he let Jeongguk get away with nearly everything, so he wouldn’t be upset with him no matter what anyway. A fact Jeongguk used to his advantage at times.

Yoongi paused, then sighed and rested his head against Jeongguk’s collarbone. “Fine,” he admitted against his shirt, “but you’re still a brat.”

Jeongguk giggled and kissed the top of Yoongi’s head, unable to stop (his favourite spot to kiss - apart from his lips - was his cheeks, and sometimes he’d do so until Yoongi swatted at him with a pout, trying to hide his smile). “Your brat,” he whispered in Yoongi’s ear, laughing and groaning when Yoongi pinched his side.

After a moment of silence, Yoongi mumbled against him again.

Jeongguk closed his eyes and held Yoongi closer. “I love you too,” he whispered.

There was a flicker of something in his chest, fluttering through his stomach, and he was happy to find the feeling was his own. _He_ was his own. Shiragiku and Jikyu seemed to finally be at rest, there had been no more nightmares, and now Yoongi and he were writing their own story, both apart and together.

They had overcome all.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sea_thehorizon). :)


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